Thoughts

I long for you so much. 

I love you so much.

I miss you so much.

I think of you so much...

Info → Technical

After a long time down, I have added a new gallery program and started uploading pix to it.

To see the gallery just click on the link above.

If you have photos you want to upload you will need to create a login. The login from the main site does not apply to the gallery...

Thoughts

This Wednesday 52 weeks ago today our boy, Braedwyn, left us.  Where did he go? And where is he now?

I have longed to see, smell, touch, and be with Braedwyn every single moment of the last 52 weeks.  That longing has kept him close to me, but from a distance because I actually cannot experience those things. 

I wait patiently for a visit from him...

Thoughts

It is coming up on a year since Braedwyn died.  It seems like an eternity and like yesterday.  I can't write of "moving on" or "things getting better" because there is huge chasm in my heart and soul and between my arms.

I have attempted to get used to life without him here...

Thoughts

Braedwyn's fourth Birthday has come and gone. Yesterday, June 6th, Nicole and I had a remembrance cake, made wishes and blew out some candles. We really couldn't bring ourselves to be celebrating the day, but maybe some time in the future when this day rolls around, we shall be able to truly celebrate our little man.

We both had to work for the earlier part of the day and the latter part was spent in tears, photos and tunes: the three interwoven in a melancholy tapestry...

Info → Technical

The website is back online.

The server that it was hosted on was shared and the person whose name it was in cancelled it before I was able to download everything off the server. So, I have been madly at work getting all my sites back up and running.

The gallery is lost...

Inspired

This was written by a friend of mine from my Paris days. She sent it to Braedwyn a few days after he died.

Where are you now voyager?


Blown from earth by the mouth of Volcanoes,
you flew by ancient wind paths traveled by birds of all species.
When they saw one so little, they nestled your small body
under their wings with grace,
feathers so warm, like a blanket of Mommy and Daddy...

Info → Braedwyn

Last week we finally received notice from the coroner as to their final decision on the cause of Braedwyn's death. The cause that will be listed on his death certificate will be: Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood. The name pretty much says it all. It is an appellation given to show that after performing X number of tests and procedures, no cause could be determined for his death...

Thoughts

Since the moment he died I have been caught up with trying to glean some sort of meaning from Braedwyn's untimely passing. Some people have the luxury of certainty provided by the pat answers of their religion of choice or heredity. Nothing so simple satisfies me. I can (and have) entertained a multitude of potential 'answers...